DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I are retired. I thought we would spend our retirement doing things together, but all she wants to do is sleep. It is not unusual for her to stay in bed for two days straight, getting up only to use the bathroom and get a drink. She does not help with the housekeeping or other household chores.

I’ve asked her why she sleeps so much. She tells me she doesn’t know why. I have gone with her to her doctors, and they have run tests. Physically there’s nothing wrong to account for all her sleeping. This leads me to believe she’s taking prescription medication to be able to sleep as long as she does. When I asked her if this was the case, she denied it.

My wife was sexually abused as a child and is currently being treated for depression. Her doctor and I have wanted her to see a psychiatrist, but she absolutely refuses. I’ve talked to her on several occasions and let her know I’m unhappy with how this is affecting our marriage. She seems not to care.

I’m thinking of getting a separation. Do you think this is advisable? Or do you have any other ideas? I love her dearly and being apart is not what I desire. She deserves all my efforts to help her before I just no longer care and give up. — FRUSTRATED IN INDIANA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Losing interest in things someone used to enjoy and sleeping for “two days straight” are classic symptoms of SEVERE, CHRONIC depression. It may have been triggered by her retirement.

Your wife definitely should be talking to someone. If it’s not a psychiatrist, then certainly a psychologist who works with a psychiatrist who will prescribe medications if they are needed. You and her doctor should insist upon it, because your wife appears to be very ill.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.